I turn 24.
The big part of my birthday is actually this weekend.
I mean I am excited to the-male-whom-I-am-fond-of...
I have this struggle.
This is a struggle I have had for literally as long as I can remember.
I don't feel like I deserve any kind of great birthday.
It's just another day you know?
Some people love parties, and I just feel like...
I don't deserve it.
That i am not good enough.
And I get really really really insecure around my birthday.
And you know... poor the-male-whom-I-am-fond-of...
He has put up with it all week.
It's something I know I need to get over.
I just feel...
So down on myself this week.
I feel like... it's selfish.
And I have been trying really really hard.
To just get over it.
You know what be nice?
A massive fort in my living room.
The way it is set up now is very conducive to fort building....
Hint. Hint. Hint.
I would like to watch Pride and Prejudice.
And there is just so much petty stuff on my stupid mind.
And I just want it gone.
And I would talk about it...
But it is literally the pettiest stuff.
Like it is not even rational for me to even be worried.
And I know I am word vomiting here and I am sorry.
But my birthday is in 45 minutes.
Well technically I was not born until like 8:46 am.
It's withing that 24 hours.
I just wanna curl up in a fort with my favorite fluffy blanket and just watch my favorite movie.
(the-male-whom-I-am-fond-of knows which movie that is.)
And what is wrong with me?!
I LOVE adventures.
I LOVE going out and doing stuff!
WHY DO I JUST WANT TO STAY HOME?!
How about something a little less negative.
I have been SO BLESSED this past year.
God got me through my first year as a middle school teacher.
I love middle schoolers. They are so funny and impressionable and they are just a riot!
I don't understand why they are the taboo grades...
I have this lovely and quaint little apartment.
I can have my puppers at said apartment!
I get to teach ballet and do ballroom on Fridays! <3
And (sap alert) I am so so blessed to have the-male-whom-I-am-fond-of. Even before we were officially dating... our phone calls helped me get through some of the trickier weeks.
Zac is just wonderful. He listens. He listens to my rants. He listens to my stories. He listens to my weirdness. He even listens to me explain things about dance and fashion. He listens to the tough stuff. He also tells amazing stories. He joins in my weirdness. He cracks hilarious jokes. He makes me feel beautiful... even if we are 180 miles apart. He can make me laugh when no one else would even dare talk to me (when I am grumpy or just when I have woken up.. he IS a brave fellow!!!) He keeps me accountable. On so many things. We pray together. (That's my favorite) And I know I am being super sappy. But I'd rather be sappy than grumpy... and I am sure you would rather read the sappy stuff more than the grumpy stuff.
So yeah. God has blessed me with Zac.
Year 23 was great.
I know year 24 is going to be great too...
I have no doubt about that.
I look back at the past year and am just in awe at how God has orchestrated this year. I am so excited to see what God has in store for me this next year.
Have a great July 7th my darling readers.
And remember. 7 is the best number... ever. :D