I was supposed to write five finals, four tests, and four quizzes, and their cooperating study guides...
Guess what didn't happen?
That did not happen.
Instead I just sat.
I know that sounds lazy, but I actually got to just sleep in, and sit n my pajamas all day. There was not anywhere I needed to be. (False, I had a date, but I cancelled. It wasn't something I really wanted to do.)
I started watching Gilmore Girls, and have been cuddling with my dog. He is a super warm little ball of fluff.
And I guess you could say I have been half heartedly thinking. Not like heavily thinking. But just casually trying to process my life.
Now here is the thing. I have a REALLY good life. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. (Don't ask me how I know, I just do)
I have this amazing job. You wanna know how amazing?
For our Christmas party we got these invitations. All they said was, "Save the Date. December 12." Literally. That is it. Said it was going to be a Christmas party and that there is going to be a surprise. So. We were all talking and trying to figure where and when it was. All the veteran teachers were all, "Normally it is upstairs in the gym" so I just naturally assumed that is where it would be.
So. We get to a staff meeting and they bring up the party. GUESS WHERE IT IS?!
It is on a cruise! (It's on a lake, and it is very touristy) but we get to go on a cruise. Granted, it is on a Monday. But you know what?! It is a cruise!!! :D
I am very excited.
I had been talking with a new friend. She is actually dating one of my best friends, and is the daughter of the vice principal of the school I work at. She is super awesome. She even helped me decorate my classroom.
Of course, when you are decorating classrooms, girls end up just chatting. And it came to pass I started telling her of the male-whom-I-am-fond-of. I couldn't tell you how that came to pass, but it did. (I only told of good things, for that is all I have to tell anyways.) So. Then a bit later I am telling her about the cruise and she says, "I know who you need to ask." Well I immediately shut that idea down. (I had already thought of it, but it was a ridiculous notion) She tries to convince me otherwise.
Well then I am talking to my beautiful lady friend (who used to be pregnant but now is not because she had the baby). She is just finishing up her student teaching (due to being pregnant and all... she was a semester behind). So. She goes, "I know who you need to ask. What about that fellow you like, and need to patch things up with?" And again I try to explain how ridiculous that notion is.
So. Long story short she gives this inspirational speech through facebook about how sometimes just taking a leap of faith is worth all the risks despite how the outcome might turn out, because one never really knows. (She is actually really wise, and she has slowly become one of my most trusted friends and confidants).
So I get up the gumption. I ask him. In a really long message if he would go with me as a sort of mini-adventure/vacation... etc.... etc.. and it ended up being a really long message (which I am really good at apparently.)
I honestly did not really expect any sort of reply, I mean there was hope blossoming, but I did not let that fully bloom for I did not want the feeling of the wilting hope. That feeling is not a favorite of mine.
So. I sent the message and I actually felt better for sending it. Then I almost forgot about it.
Almost twenty minutes later, my phone starts ringing. At first sound it sounded like the Darth Vader music. All I could think was, "Mom. I did what you asked already." (Side story: Yes. My mom's ring tone is the Imperial March because the faces I get in public when that song goes off and I cheerfully say, "Hi mom!" into the ohone, ARE PRICELESS!)
Then the music starts making sense in my head. It is NOT the Imperial March after all... It is Davey Jones' theme from Pirates of the Caribbean. (The male-whom-I-am-fond-of's theme music in my book. Since he did that dance two years ago.)
My heart stops beating for what feels an eternity.
I look down at my phone and there is his picture staring me back.
My heart then starts racing unbelievably fast.
Butterflies all take off in my stomach.
The room got really hot and I got very nervous.
I answered the phone, rather confused, "Hello?"
His voice responded. "Hello."
And all I could do was breathe a "Hi."
He had not read the message yet (so he said) and he said that he thought it would be easier just to call me. So he did. So I had to ask him person.
Unfortunately he has classes and cannot make it.
But then we chatted. We updated one another.
My darling readers... Can I just say....
There is something about his voice?
The way loneliness flees.
The way the world is set right.
The way everything gets brighter.
AND IT IS ONLY HIS VOICE THAT DOES THIS!!!
I only hope my voice did the same for him.
I hope it caused loneliness to flee
I hope it caused the world to be set right
I hope it cased everything to be set right
Have you ever had this happen to you?
I used to be such a cynic.
I never believed that things like this happened.
I am serious!
I thought people were over reacting or over compensating
Or perhaps just something made up for the movies.
I really did not expect anything like that to exist.
And can I tell you a secret?
I sometimes still don't believe it.
It all feels like a really good dream, but a fading one.
I realize I tell you all probably more than I should...
But to be honest, there are only 25 regular readers. (And I am very thankful for all of you!)
If I could list out every movie moment I have had, 98% of them would have the-male-whom-I-am-fond-of in it.
I realize I shouldn't like him.
I realize I have every right to be angry at him.
I realize there are so many reasons to not want to speak to him
I realize that a lot of people expect (and even encourage me) to hate him... but that isn't right. And frankly it is not right of those people to even suggest that. Why should I? There are two people I honestly dislike with reason and in a way that I do loath them and will never speak to or of them. But the-male-whom-I-am-fond-of is not one of them.
Does he frustrate me? Oh my gosh. Yes.
But do I hate him? No.
Will I hate him? No.
I do wish him the best.
I do pray for him everyday.
You don't win by being angry.
You win by forgiving, and having patience.
And have I been the best at that? No.
But God has this wonderful way of showing me, and helping me. He doesn't say, "Hey, you know... you could work on that." And then leaves. Nope. He sticks around and helps.
And should I get frustrated with someone, it's better to tell God. Because a) he knows about it anyways. b) He loves when we talk to him. c) he isn't going to gossip about how you feel about a person.
There. I got my sermon in there!
Have a blessed and wonderful Saturday. Sorry if I wrote a little to personally. But it is not like I haven't before. Besides, perhaps there is some one out there who needs to read it for whatever reason.
Well my dog is dramatically showing me he is tired of my bicep muscles moving as I type. Oh if only you could see him. You would be just as entertained by Reggie as I am! Well. Back to Gilmore Girls for me! If you need me, I will be in Stars Hollow.
Have a good rest of your weekend.