For me, trust is hard. When I trust someone... I am really really put myself out there. And when my trust is broke, I am not nearly as bad Mr. Darcy, because sometimes I will give a person another chance. It will be a lot of work, for both of us. I won't be as carefree. I won't be as jolly. I will be more thinky, but I will try. I will try to trust again.
Why do I have trust issues? Oh, goodness.. I think we all do. We get disappointed one too many times and we start building this wall, brick by brick around us. Guarding us. And sometimes this wall really does protect us. And yet, sometimes this wall just hurts us more. We get so used to being alone, when someone really tries to enter, we block them out. Then there is one person and they surprise us. They stand outside those walls, and don't leave. Sometimes they find chinks in the wall. Little peep holes, and they look into them and see you. And you know... we have this fear that they will see us as monsters. But that is not what they see. They see us, as something we don't. Something special. Something beautiful. Something strong. Something wonderful. And we tell them to back away! "Go away! Protect yourself." Do they? No. They stay. They keep looking for that door. They wait. Then they ask, "Can I come in?"
What do we do? We look at them in shock. "You don't want to do that." And they say, "Yes.. yes I do. You are too wonderful to be locked up forever." And you just blink. what. What are they talking about? So you turn around and uncover that mirror that you hid. And you look. You start close to the mirror, and back away. Then go back forward. You aren't a monster. Is that a sparkle in your eye? Wow. Your eyes are actually pretty.... and the way your hair falls around your face... gives this nice look. Then you start looking past the physical. Your smile.. it shines. It's a friendly smile that covers your whole face and overtakes your entire being. It lights up the whole space around you. You stumble back. What? What? What? Who is this in the mirror. You blink rapidly. So does your reflection.
You hear your name called, "Are you ok? Can I come in? Please?" And look through that chink. And you realize the chink has gotten bigger. "You see me." You state. "Yes." They reply. You step back from that widening chink.
That one person who really sees you. They aren't perfect. They will make mistakes. They might leave for a bit. But they will come back. And if they don't. Don't close that portion of the wall. It will be really hard. I mean. You will want to put an extra layer of brick there. But should you? No. You are still wonderful. You still have that shining smile. Your eyes still sparkle in the light. Your hair still falls around your face in that nice way. You are still that wonderful you that you glimpsed in the mirror. You are not that monster you thought you were. And you have to hold onto that with a death grip. Don't let one scared prince/princess ruin what you have come to realize. Because that was always there. Always. And it just took that prince/princess to show you. Another will see it.
You are wonderful and fantastic and don't you forget it.