I am exhausted. 

Work is mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. 

Last year, though it too had difficulties...
Was fun. 

This year. 
It's not 

It is just not. 

And I know that teachers have rough years.
But. 
I have been sitting here. 
Wondering...

What makes a good teacher. 

And when I google it... 
It says things like: 
-Good listener
-Engages students
-Makes their room a safe place
-Encourages students 
-Helps students

And by all those accounts. 
I am a good teacher. 

But honestly?
There are days I DREAD going to work. 
Literally. 
I will tear up at the thought that I have to deal with a certain class or...
I even go into this stressed out paralysis...
Where I just have SO MUCH to accomplish. 
That I cannot do it. 

Like today. 
All I had to do today was grade and make spread sheets and send emails and import grades and write lesson plans. 
And then I found out my mom is staying the night. 
So on top of THAT I have to clean. 

And my brain is just so tired I want to just sit down and cry. 

No. 
What I really want is to cuddle with the male-whom-I-am-fond-of.
I want to be in his arms where I feel safe.
Where I feel complete
Where I do not feel like a failure.  
Where time stands still. 
Where I can be me
Where all the problems of work just don't seem so daunting...

And he doesn't look at me like  I am silly or incompetent. 
He takes me seriously. 

I get to see him tomorrow. 
And I am so incredibly excited. 

It won't be for very long. 
But that hour that I do get to see him. 
Is gonna be SO worth it. 

So incredibly worth it. 

​Because he is incredible and worth every mile in between us. 
It's not so bad cause we get to talk over the phone. 
Which is really really nice. 

Like I know that sounds like I am just smoothing it over. 
But really. 
I LOVE talking to him over the phone. 
Because we talk. 
We talk about goofy stuff. 
We talk about serious stuff. 
We talk about everything. 
We trust each other. 

He is a wonderful human. 
And I thank God, literally, every day for him. 
Because. 
God deserves the glory of this relationship and of the friendship that built up as the foundation. 

Zac has literally mentioned that sometimes our conversations sound like something off of Psych. (Like between Shawn and Gus) 
And I could believe it because we are best friends who get to cuddle and kiss. Which is the best thing ever. 

Also. 
Fun story for you yesterday. 
I had to run into Hyvee yesterday and I was talking to my man. And I had my head phones plugged into my phone. 
So. 
It looked like I was walking around listening to music. 
I was actually listening to my boyfriend. 

Well I passed this old lady and I as I passed her I laughed and was like, "You are SO weird." Well she seemed a little offended. 
Then directly after that I said, 'No! You can't fart on me in front of my mom! So ha!'

Well the looks on peoples faces were priceless. 

Then I was in line and in response to Zac I said, "Charlemagne is pretty cool." 
Then I realized I was getting a funny look from the dude behind me. 

This is why headphone phone calls are tricky business. 
Pretty sure everyone thought I was talking to myself. 

But I honestly do not even care. 

I was on the phone with my love. And that is more than enough for me!!! :D 

Today is the Ren Festival! 
(For those confused readers it is the renaissance festival!) 

I AM SO EXCITED!!!

I still have a little time to kill until I start driving!
I have a decent jaunt to get there, but...
IT IS SO EXCITING!!!
AND I GET TO SEE MAH BOYFRIEND!!!

This is literally what has gotten me through the week. 
Seriously. 

I do not believe in working for the weekend, but I feel that in this case... I think it is an okay reason to be working for the weekend. 

It has been an incredibly long week. 
Rumors. 
Lots of rumors. 
And... 
Just. 
Kids, man. 
ITS NOT EVEN A FULL MOON!!! 

But next week is a new week. 
Full of it's own little surprises. 
And today...
Today I get to be a pirate...
And I get to see my love. 
And for one day. 
I am no teacher. 
I am a pirate!

MY STUDENTS HAVE DRIVEN ME TO PIRACY!!! 

haha

I have decided I don't ever want to be famous. 
Never. 
I don't want to be in the limelight. 
I wouldn't like people gossiping about me all the time. 

I know some people love that. 
But me? 
I like being in the background. 
I like watching. 
I like making others feel special.
 
I used to love attention. 
I used to like entertaining people and being in the limelight. 

But I can't anymore. 

In fact. 
Last year at the end of the year awards...
I wasn't told that I was going first. 
I had no idea what I was doing... 
But. 
The principal announces to this crowd of parents that I am going first. 
And I was like, "What?!" 

So I went up. 
Gave out the awards. 
Had to talk. 
Apparently, according to my students, I need to make my ending stronger. 
But dude. 
My voice was shaking. 

The kids were like, "Dude. You were so nervous!" 
I don't like talking to a group of adults. 

Kids. It's mostly fine.

But adults?
Nope.
Dude. 
I am out. 

ANYWAYS!!!

I am a pirate today and need not worry about it. 
Because... 
I have hoop earrings. 
And you have to be confident whilst wearing hoop earrings. 

Have a spectacular day! 

Good evening Dear Readers! 

I apologize that I have not written coherently for a long time. 
I was like totally down and out for the count. 
But I am now better! 
Still sorta look like a raccoon but I feel SO much better. 

I missed 3.5 days of work in one week. 
That is how you DEFINITELY know I was not feeling well...
AT ALL! 
I don't miss work. 
I like to hoard my vacation days cause they roll over. 
Also. 
I hate writing lesson plans. 
I especially hate writing lesson plans when all my resources are at school and not with me. 
But if they were with me, the sub would kind of be... well... for lack of better term... screwed. 

BUT ALAS!
I no longer need to write sub plans! 
I AM SO EXCITED!
(I am sort of a work-a-holic).

Also. 
I want more to do with my life than watch the office and sleep.
Cause that is about all I had the energy for. 
Which is silly. 
I don't like it. 

And. 
I know I write a lot of sappy stuff on here. 
I should apologize. 
But I don't think I am going to.
I have always written my thoughts. 
And I like looking back and reading the things I wrote. 
Even the really silly twitterpated stuff. 

You know I got to thinking today. 
It is AMAZING how God has worked things out. 
Looking back on the story...
There are so many ups and downs. 
And through it all. God was in control.
And yes. 
I am talking about more than just the-male-whom-I-am-fond-of

I am talking about life in general. 
I look at where I am now and...
It is impossible to NOT see God. 
He has worked out things that have seemed impossible. 
And I cannot thank him enough for all he has done. 
For every blessing in my life. 
(Even for my sweet/ornery boyfriend.) 

Speaking of who...
He just melts me. 
(Zac that is) 
He says things that just make me feel so... wonderful.

For example: 
We are going to the Ren Festival next weekend
(We are both so excited! 7 more days!) 
And he was asking if it was okay if I get there early. 
I said of course it is alright. 
I asked him when he would want me there. 
He replied with, "Now. Now's good"
And even though it was kind of a silly answer.
It made me feel so wanted.
And it is such a nice feeling to feel wanted/needed.

He also did this really cute thing.. 
I was being a turd. 
Instead of getting visibly annoyed, he grabbed my face with both hands and informed me "I just love you SO much!" And kissed me. 
And if that is not the sweetest thing you've ever read... Then you need to go sit in a field of butterflies until your heart of ice melts! 

There are these tiny little inconsequential moments that mean the world to me. 
These tiny moments that are glimpses into sheer...
Perfection. 

Now.
When I say "perfect"...
I mean "My perfect." 
And what that means is this: 
I know Zac has flaws. He has and will make mistakes. 
I acknowledge that he is not perfect in the dictionary definition.
But I accept and love every piece of him. 
Imperfections and all.
Every goober thing about him. 

Goodness knows I am flawed too.
And yet. 
He still loves me. 

And you know what? 
God brought him into my life. 
God has worked things out in HIS timing. 
Do I get impatient?
(With like EVERYTHING! I want a washer and dryer in my abode... and I would like it ASAP!) 
Um. Yes. Very. (Read above comment about washer and dryer)
But I am SO glad that God has it in control.
If anyone should be in control.
It's God.
He is SUCH a good planner. 
(And he will provide me with a washer and dryer in his timing...)

Hello all! 

I haven't written in a long time! 
So much has happened. 

Right now. 
I am sick. 
I have been sick for a little over a week. 
I really dislike it because I don't feel peppy and I know I am not peppy. And I am tired and I just don't feel good. 
You know?!

I mean I was even running a fever. 
My normal body temp is actually kind of low... 
So it takes a lot to get me to have a fever. 

And I hate it. 

I have missed 3.5 days of school this week. 
And all I want to do is cuddle. 
That is it. 

Instead I have been working from home as best as I can. 
I have been eating ice cream, and soup.. and quesadillas.. 

You know. 
This last weekend I got to see the-male-whom-I-am-fond-of.
It was really really nice seeing him. 

He even brought me roses! 

We danced in the kitchen while making tacos. 
We cuddled a little. 
We had a triple date. 
We talked. 
We did all sorts of stuff. 

The triple date was pretty fun. 
It was fun to see everyone with their guy. 
It was also fun to see the different comfort levels of each relationship. 
One is very new, so it was a little awkward. And they were trying to impress each other. 
Another has been together for about 8 months. They were sitting comfortably next to each other on the couch. Just leaning on one another. 
There there is me and my guy. We have only been dating for a few months but have known each other for 3 years. I think at the end I flopped over on him. 

See. 
We had a lot of fun. Two out of three of the boys were like, "COFFEE!!!" so they went and got us coffee. Then the other pair arrived. 
We all interacted great. (The Fellow and I kept swapping coffee by the way.. and I dunno, it just makes you feel good knowing you can swap coffees really quick for a taste and then swap back.) 

It was hilarious at the end because all the couples (at roughly the same time) just kind of ended up interacting with their human. Overall the triple date went great! 

I like cuddling with my guy. And only with my guy. And my dog too... I guess... 

Right now I am just trying to figure out school stuff. How to get homework for the next week to a student, when all my teacher text books are at school. 
I am trying to get grades imported. Which is actually harder when sick. Because... I just wanna sleep... 

I get to see my boyfriend in just 8 days. 8 More days and I get to see him. We are going to the Ren Festival. 

I am so excited! 

I don't know if you have ever heard of "teacher tired" 
But it is similar to "nurse tired' or "mom tired' 

Basically you have so much to do.
But you are so tired.
And don't have the energy to move. 

Yup. 

On the bright side. 
School has been great. 

Sometimes I get really un-confident about parts of teaching. 
Then I remember how little confidence I had last year 
And I feel better because I know that as for a fact...
I have grown. 

Even today a student informed me that not everyone likes me.
And I told her that that is okay. 
That no matter what you do or where you are..
You are not going to be liked by everyone. 
And that is okay.

Now. 
I say that gently because there is a point where you do need to be liked. 
Every body needs to be liked by at least one or two people. 

Well

I am really tired. I hope there are not a lot of typos or misspellings or anything like that
​Night

Today I was treated to the fanciest food I think I have ever had.
It was one of those reservation places.
One of those $50 for a steak place.
And the food is SO GOOD. 
Very expensive...
But SO GOOOD!
It was really sweet of her to treat. 
She just wanted company this weekend and I was more than happy to provide! 

I also got to dance today! 
My feet are happy! 
How to exercise according to Emilie: 
1. Nice simple ballet warm up. (Plie, tendu, ronde de jambe) 
2. Turn on your old dancers keep in shape/killer abs music
3. Do the ab routines that pop up for as many as you can (3). 
4. Die. 
5. Realize you still have to stretch. 
6. Stretch. 
7. Die some more. 
8. Get a much appreciated call from your boyfriend signaling the end of your workout.
And THAT is how you successfully work out according to Emilie.

And it works too! 

My Goal is to be flexible enough to use the door jamb COMPLETELY for all sides of my stretches. I am actually REALLY close! So I feel pretty good about myself.

And of course the ab songs that turned on were like... really fast super static songs. 
I thought I was gonna die. 
Which is how I know it was a GREAT workout! 

So we have covered feet, food, dancing. 
Now...
Gotta cover the heart I guess. 
OR
I could delete it from the title and you would NEVER know..
Except that I wrote about it here... and boy I did not think this through! 

My heart misses Zac. 
I guess that is to be expected. 
We are doing long distance. 
And first off I want to say. 
He is worth it. 
He is worth every mile between us. 
I wouldn't want to do long distance with any one else. 
He really means a lot to me and I care so so much for him. 

With that being said. 
it is HARD. 
You miss the person. 
Your friend talks about how "severely" they miss their boyfriend and how they can't wait the thirty minutes to see them. And this is a boyfriend they see every day. And it's hard not to get cranky. 
But then. 
I realize. 
To each person.. 
Life is a little different. 
So for them. 
12 hours is a long time. 
For me every 12 hours would be AMAZING! 

But that is because we have different situations! 

I could get all riled up. 
But what is that going to help? 
nothing. 

So instead. 
She and I have this mutual agreement that we can whine about missing our men. And not get judged for it. 
And it is nice. 

Because I know she isn't going to be like, "suck it up!" 
Nope!
She is going to be like, "OH MY GOSSHHHHH ME TOOOOOOO!!!!!" And flop near me or eat some chocolate with me. 
And honestly that is so much more helpful. 

And to be fair. 
We knew it was not going to be easy going into this. 

But you know there are some AWESOME perks. 
1. Our communication skills are awesome. 
2. We talk about everything. 
3. We talk for hours at a time. 
4. We tell great stories. 
5. When we do get to see each other it is even MORE special. 
6. The "ITS YOU!" hugs are awesome. 
7. I mean seriously. The hugs when we first see each other are the best. Totally worth the long drive. 
8. I get to write him letters! And mail them! 
9. Seriously. We are really good at communicating. 
10. I know I can tell him exactly how I feel or think and vice versa.. And we have to talk to work things out if something comes up. 
11. Cute texts through the day are super GREAT! 
12. It's a lot easier to get work done and be with the person over the phone. Than trying to get work done AND cuddle. (Cuddling is a very important things and takes ones full attention) 
 
So moral of the story. 
Fancy food is delicious.
I have a need to dance/stretch
And my Zac is an amazing wonderful human who means the world to me! I cannot wait to see him! 

I do know that we are going to the Renaissance Festival.
I have my costume picked out and everything!
I am SO looking forward to that! I cannot wait!

Anyways. 
I am going to go to sleep now! 
​Goodnight!  

Happy Long weekend! 

Yesterday I had meetings all day and the kids had the day off of school. They were quite happy about this. 

I think I actually enjoyed this day of meetings because... a) I actually had confidence. B) I learned stuff that will ACTUALLY help me out in my classes. 

There was this one part when I asked a question. And to give context for the questions I mentioned that I teach middle school. The lady running that meeting chuckles and says, "There is a special place in heaven for middle school teachers." And you know, I never really know how to respond to that... 

I like my job. I like the age of my kids. I REALLY like that I can be sarcastic. 

Which.
Apparently in one of the meetings a highschool teacher said that the lady speaking said that the teacher should NEVER be sarcastic. I don't think that is even possible! I mean. Really. And honestly I am more facetious than sarcastic. But still. It's the middle school love language. 

Seriously. 
All middle school teachers know this. 
I was at a meeting last year and the guy was all, "Elementary school teachers are all glitter and happiness. Middle school teachers are just balls of sarcasm. I can't remember what Highschool teachers are... But their's was accurate too. 

Anywho. 
Yesterday was good.
I was even in charge of one of the meetings! I EVEN SURVIVED THAT HARROWING ORDEAL!!! 

Then my parent's took me to dinner and brought stuff and bookshelves. YAY! We had my favorite food! It was delicious and my favorite food at the moment. I can eat like EVERYTHING ON THE PLATE! AND IT IS A HUGE PLATE! 

It's Thai Food. My favorite is Nam Sod. There is rice noodles, chicken, peanuts, ginger, apples, lime juice, and cilantro, and some other stuff. AND IT IS SO REFRESHING AND DELICIOUS. 

I have to take my other book shelf to work. But I have two new bookshelves to replace it. 

I am pretty excited! One shelf is going to be science resources, the other is going to be like... fiction books.. 

I should probably go do that before my date with my old lady friend! She is my lady at ballroom. And she doesn't have plans this weekend so I made some with her. She is just the sweetest old lady! 

I will probably write more later.