You know how you dream about something for so long and then it gets there and you are like, "No! I don't want this?!" All because you are afraid of failing, afraid of losing that thing that has become so important to you?
That is how I feel.
I have dreamed of teaching for so long. Of student teaching even. And now that it is here, I am terrified. I am scared that I am not ready or worthy enough to be in the classroom. I am scared of failing and that my dream is too much for me.
And yet today... was overwhelming and amazing.
God has placed me with a wonderful teacher. She understands that it's overwhelming and there is SO much to remember. And yet, she was patient and she took time to explain everything going on.
This semester is going to fly by. I mean. So fast. Then in four months. I graduate. I am going to be a teacher. A teacher.
it's happening. It's really happening and I don't know what to do!
I have been working my whole life (you think I exaggerate, but I started school when I was 2 or three years old. I have been in school for about 20 years. I am DOUBLE TENURED if you want to think of it that way. Two decades of my life.) I have wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember. I have found old old notebook where I made a grade book for my dolls. I am not even kidding. I took time to make a grid in the notebook and label everything and even give grades and parent notes.
This is what I have wanted to do for forever.
And now it's here and for all the times I ask "Why am I doing this?' I really do love it. I love the outcome.
And now I am scared.
But the kids make it worth it.
One of my dance students today made me a card out of cardboard (I love kid puns!!). And it was just the sweetest thing. Another kid told me they were "very pleased" that I am in the class. One kid in my dance class told me he missed me "So very much Miss Emilie!" And it sounds cheesy. But kids really do mean everything they say. I just...
It's right around the corner.
Have a good evening dear readers.