In fact. It just passed the one year of meeting him and our first date.
That was much harder than I expected it to be. I keep getting these ghostings of things that could have been.
See. I know he isn't mine. I know this without a doubt. But I love him. I don't love easily. Don't get me wrong, I will be friendly and nice... but it will take a while for me to really love... and when I do love... that love doesn't just stop.
And that is what I have struggled with. I thought. Oh hey, me and my ex are broken up. I will just stop loving him, and caring for him, especially since I am the one who initiated it. Well. I didn't.
I went into the rock wall.. and climbed. He was there, and you know.. my mind reeled. It reeled because I didnt do my usual, walk in, wave, smile, go over and be cute and maybe give a hug routine. NO. I walked in. And climbed. That is all.
Then the next day was even harder. Then the day we talked on the phone for two hours and at one point just sat there in silence. That was so incredibly hard. I even cried. For a day.
But God is showing me that, even in this, love is fine. It's just a completely different love than I would ever have expected. I can still love him and care for him. But it's in a way that is a friendship. Because we are still friends.
I want to encourage him when he finds a girl that is prettier than I was. Funnier than I was. More perfect than I was. I want to see him happy. Because that is what friends want for each other.
So yes, I might get nostalgic for how things were. But now... I have something completely different with him. I have a friendship. A good old fashioned friendship.
So there is so much I still have to learn about love, but someday it will make sense... maybe...
I just want to note... that even though he wasn't mine. I don't for a single second, ever regret dating him. He is the best, first "real" boyfriend I could ever had had the privilege of dating. And I hope the feeling was mutual. :)
Anyways. That is enough meloncholy for one night. Sleep well dear readers. Sleep well.