Yes I said fall break weekend. Not a whole week. Just a four day vacation... still a vacation of sorts though! :)
And on Friday my friends decided to kidnap me.
So I got in the car, knowing we were going to a haunted maze, but thinking we were driving to the nearest City town thing. (Which is like half an hour away). But...
We kept driving through.
WE DROVE FOR TWO HOURS AND NO ONE WOULD TELL ME WHERE WE WERE GOING!
We turn onto this country road two hours later in the middle of no where and... there it is. "Monster Corn Maze!"
I got out of the car, and I always have this natural instinct to look up. I am so glad I did.
It was gorgeous. The night sky was something you see in National Geographics. You could even see the belt across the sky! (There was no moon, but had there been it would have been brighter).
Like it was so insanely gorgeous! I don't think I have ever seen a prettier night skies with so many stars.
Then we walk up to the ticket booth and purchase our tickets. (It was fourteen dollars and honestly, I was a bit worried that it would be a quick 30-45 minute thing, especially after that 2 hour car ride.)
As we are getting into line... my group finds out that this is my very first time at anything haunted (except for that one time up in Minnesota where I was drugged up still from the spinal tap the day before and was in a lot of pain... so don't actually remember anything from Valley Scare...).
My friends... are all sociopaths and evil. They decided that because it was my first time, I would have to lead the whole expedition.
So we start walking and of course there are the jump scarers hidden around different turns and corners. I mean.. I didn't scream as MUCH as one of the girls in front of us.
At one point I saw this person sitting there.. and I didn't want to get screamed at so I switched spots with one of my friends (who was kind enough to let me hang onto her arm in terror) and she was all "wow. Really?" It didn't matter anyways. There was a person on the side I switched to who was better hidden, and I like totally freaked out.
Then we got so confused and lost one of the actors had to give us directions. (I guess I was leading the group back to the front).
We continue trekking through this maze, that is making my heart race and making me loath my horrible night vision even more, due to all the jump scarers. (The scariest jump scarer was definitely the dog! :D )
Well... it's been about 45 minutes. And I figure we have to be getting to the end of it. Instead we come up to this haunted school bus in the middle of this corn field. And outside it was a clown. A freaky huge terrifying clown.
I HATE CLOWNS!!! I REALLY HATE CLOWNS!!!! (childhood trauma)
Now, I had just been jump scared, so I was still giggling (its a defense mechanism). And I guess I was laughing a little too hard. Cause the actor literally broke character, "Are- Are you crying?!" I shook my head, "Not yet." Well he started laughing and says, "Not yet." And then goes back into character and says, "Do you like clowns?" And of course I say, "Love them." And he laughed again (breaking character it wasn't even a freaky laugh) and then goes back into character and says, "No you don't. You are laughing so hard right now... it isn't even funny."
All I could say to that was, "I know..." (In a Catherine Tate sort of way).
Well my friends decided I needed to walk the bus first and by myself. I was NOT happy with them.
It was literally something like a nightmare I had once.
Lauren goes, "We are heading towards that haunted house over there." And my heart filled with dread. "Please tell me we do NOT have to go in that..." And Sophie, who had never been in this one says, "Dude. I wish. That would be awesome."
So we keep going.
I keep getting jump scared. Like it really is not my favorite thing.
We finally get to the house.
And we have to go through it. And I figure, okay, we go through the house and then we get to leave.
NOPE!!! BOY WAS I WRONG!!!!
The house itself wasn't horrible. There were a lot of details. But I don't remember getting scared TOO bad.
So we leave the house, and there is a smaller shack like house we have to go through.
And that one wasn't bad. I can deal with dolls and creepy music box music. (Each of the shacks was from a movie I think). Well I did good with that one.. but... the next one you walk in, hear a gun shot and feel a puff of air, that one made me scream.
So I go through that one pretty quick.
THERE WERE LIKE EIGHT OF THESE MINI HOUSES!
EIGHT OF THEM
There was a hospital after the cabin, then a butcher shop, a coffin makers, one where I can't remember the theme but you had to go through this super tight squeeze and it was an air thing and if one person pushed against a side all the other people would go the other way, and one that was sort of fun (I will get there) and my least favorite... clown carnival.
To get into the carnival you had to crawl because there was a clown tongue thing in the way. Then of course a jump scare. Then a cool mirror maze (with flashing lights). (Found out later, that whole thing is a maze but that I kept picking the right way out everytime. Apparently some people get super lost) (THAT IS HOW BADLY I WANTED TO BE OUT!)
Well we get down with the mirror part and there is still more part.
Have I mentioned how great my friends are? They are so great that when they saw a girl clown following me (remember I had to lead) that they all stopped walking and waited, now I could tell it wasn't my group behind me, so I turned around and lovingly said, "I hate you all." Cause they were just chilling in the doorway. And the girl clown goes, "Don't worry. I'll take care of her." And I say, "Glad SOMEONE has my back."
Well then I get outside, she is still following me... and my friends finally come.
There is this really big dude who decided that I couldn't pass. SO he blocks my path. Stuke is still behind me, but the other girls were able to walk right past. And so I say, "Hi." and he says hi back. and then I politely asked if I could pass. And of course he growled no. And this went on for a bit, somehow I was able to get past him.
Well we finally get through those seven mini houses, (so if you are keeping count... I have been through a haunted maze, a haunted house, and a haunted village.) And I figure... "Surely we should be done by now."
GUESS WHO WAS WRONG AGAIN?!
So then we get onto this hayride. Now, ALL THREE OF MY FRIENDS ARE SITTING TO ONE SIDE AND I AM ON THE OTHER SIDE ALONE!! DOES THAT SEEM SMART TO YOU?! (the answer is no.)
So this random girl ends up sitting next to me.
Now. It really wasn't too bad... at first. In fact, Lauren squeaked before I did (which was AWESOME). But then...
Sophie tells the scarer who is trying to scare her that my name is Emilie and he should scare me.
Sidenote: Up to this point, I wasn't getting picked on.. In fact... I was the only one NOT getting picked on. It was a nice reprieve.
Well, after she told that one, he was saying my name and leaning really really close. Then another jumped on and another and he told them my name. So there were three. Then buried my head into the poor strangers shoulder and when I looked up again... THERE WERE FOUR! FOUR! ALL LEANING INTO ME! One of them was behind me, and was leaning over my head (which was really impressive that he didn't fall) (Cause the others had to jump off) and no matter which way I moved he followed. (I am impressed I didn't fall off the wagon.)
So then finally they are done with me.
We pull into a barn fixture.. and ANOTHER ONE LEANS IN FRONT OF MY FACE FROM THE CEILING! EVERYONE ELSE COULD SEE IT BUT ME AND SO I SCREAMED!!! I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO SCREAMED!!!
(Even the people screaming at everything just for fun did not scream.)
Well we get off the hay ride, and I assume we are done.
Well Stuke I guess was feeling nice cause he goes, "You doing alright?" And I was just all "Great. I am doing great! Fantastic even!" Which sends everyone into gales of laughter, which brings OVER ANOTHER SCARER!!!!
This one jus sort of kept following right behind me, right at the back of my neck, and would growl here and there.
And we had to go through one more house. So there was a worker making sure it did not get backed up or anything and he saw the scarer following me and says, "Have you seen the stars? If you look over there with the trees, it looks really neat!" Which is true, but mama didn't raise no fool. So I looked the OPPOSITE direction.
He just started chuckling.
Then we got to go into the house. (The actor scarer dude followed us ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE HOUSE). but this house wasn't scary it was cool.
It was that thing with the lights and mirrors and spinning thing... where you walk across the bridge and it feels like you are spinning upside down and even the door looks like it moving. ITS SO COOL!!!!!
THEN WE WERE DONE!!! So we all got something to drink be it hot chocolate or pop. And I got a funnel cake. (Which wasn't really all that good.)
And we looked at the time.
it took 2 hours.
Which in my opinion was definitely worth the 14 dollars.
I can't say I will EVER do that again.
I did enjoy hanging with my friends. And I am pretty sure all three girls passed out in the car on the way back. And we definitely got back around two am.
Moral of the story: I HATE CLOWNS