I think about everything. I go over past events from the week. I analyze I imagine. I write. Oh my goodness I have been writing non-stop lately and it is driving me absolutely crazy. I just can't do it.
I have a friend who keeps trying to figure out my brain and what I thinking because they feel it is not healthy to be "steaming" on thoughts all the time. What I don't think he always realizes is, I tell him a lot more than I would tell most people. In fact I actually thought I was sharing a lot until he mentioned that he is always talking and I am just sitting there silently.
That caught me off guard. In fact, I don't even feel like my thoughts are worth sharing. I feel like they are stupid and pointless. Not going to lie. Sometimes even just writing this blog takes a lot out of me.
I just... I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate giving people too much information on me. It is just not something I am fond of because... I am just Emilie. I am an average Jane. There is not too much spectacular about me. I am a dancer, and writer, and a student. That is it. I get nervous and paranoid and doubtful. I am just like any other person. I have a few things I am confident about, but that is balanced out by my shyness and disdain for being in the spotlight. I hate being in the spotlight. I hate when the focus is on me. I would prefer others be the focus because... they deserve to be in the focus. Honestly, the people who try to focus on me are people who are barely in the lime light either so when they focus on me, I feel like the focus should be on them for once. I prefer others feeling happy and fine and like they can have someone to talk to.
Me? I am generally mostly okay with just talking to God. I have a few people who have strongly expressed to me that should I need to talk that I better come to them and not hold it in forever. I have utilized them once or twice. So i am not completely alone. But like I said. My thoughts just are not always worth the time, and they are not as mysterious as people think. There have only been a few things on my mind for the past... oh I don't know... 11ish weeks.... And those things are
C) The male person I am fond of
D) Getting a job
That is seriously all I feel like I think about. It is horrible and so when people ask what I am thinking and I am thinking about what would happen if the apartment building burnt down (with no one getting hurt) and all of our textbooks and homework and other such things were destroyed, would they make me pay for the books that I rented even though I had no control over the situation, how would I get homework done, and how long of an extension would I get on other homework... I sorta feel like I should not be sharing those thoughts since they are bunny trails and rather... darkish.
What are the weird things you think about?