No one told me how anxious I would feel
How many emotions get jumbled
How much I just want to cry
How many mixed feelings I would get when reaching this point
No one told me.
All I had heard was how "magical" pregnancy is.
How wonderful they felt.
I literally did not know the downsides until I got pregnant myself.
My anxiety has peaked.
I wonder if I can even do anything right.
I wonder if people are sick of me
I wonder if I am ever going to get my body and mind back to where they were
It's all so terrifying.
My emotions are on full throttle.
I cried for 20 minutes because of disappointing crab rangoons
Which I had been craving for days
And then I cried because I was crying about food
Then I was crying because of the crying
And before I knew it I was sobbing uncontrollably because I was mad at myself for being so emotional.
Today I was really struggling to maintain patience with 3-5 year olds.
It's not their fault I am cranky.
It's not their fault they act like preschoolers (Cause they are)
And I was just getting really annoyed.
I am terrified to have this kid.
I am scared of the pain.
I am scared of being a mom
I am scared of the changes
I am scared my husband and I will forget about each other
I am scared of what my kid will be like
I am scared
So scared
I am also excited
I am excited to meet this thing that I've grown
I am excited to hold her
I am excited to get to know her
I am excited to dress her in cute clothes and dote on her
I am excited to see how her and my husband's relationship grows
I am excited to see how me and my husband can grow closer
And I am so ready to have her out.
I feel selfish because I have so little energy.
I don't want people over.
I don't want to go do things.
And I feel selfish.
I am told by other moms not to feel selfish
That these feelings are normal
I am told they are impressed I am still working at this point
They tell me I have every reason to not want to do too much
I am so blessed about who I have around me.
No one has mom shamed me for being active
Or doing what I do.
They have been SO supportive!
Pregnancy is hard.
And these last few weeks are flying by but also moving so slow
I know any day now my daughter can make her grand appearance
And I am so ready for her to come out
I love her to pieces
I also just need her OUT.
But I know that day is coming all too soon.
And time is never going to be slow again..
So I will treasure my moments with her.
No matter how frustrated and annoyed I get with her.
She will be grown much too quickly for my liking!