On the bright side I am SO close to holding my baby!
On the down side, these next two months actually equal like 10 years.
There are a lot of changes in our life.
I am trying for a full-time job.
Zac is assistant manager at his job.
While ALSO looking for a job in his career.
We are working on the nursery.
I am free-lancing and actually doing pretty good!
I finally set up our bedroom.
It looks really nice and helps me feel more put together.
We are really trying to be functional adults.
We painted some pottery.
That was fun.
I always forget how cathartic pottery painting is.
I know this post doesn't really have a rhyme or rhythm.
It is currently 2:06 AM.
As in...
2 hours until the unholy hour (4 am).
I am SO tired, but am having that weird thing where you can BE tired... but not sleepy.
I think I had too much caffeine today.
I know.
I know.
I know.
"Caffeine isn't good for a prego lady!"
You know what else isn't good for a prego lady?
Migraines.
Not even caffeine headaches, just plain old migraines.
I can't actually take the only medicine that is allowed for prego ladies...
Nope.
So there is literally nothing I can take for them.
Except caffeine.
"Why don't you see a doc?!"
I have.
I have had these migraines for a few months.
Also.
My daughter likes Coca-Cola.
She is definitely my girl!
Sometimes I just CRAVE it.
Ok.
For those of you who don't know.
Pregnancy cravings are like 89% worse than period cravings.
Like.
Period cravings are pretty bad.
But pregnancy cravings are just inexplicably worse!
One night I woke up in the middle of the night and woke up my husband up to inform him that i required crab meat.
I also informed him I would be purchasing crab meat the next day.
I wanted it so bad.
Another thing that is worse.
Hormones.
Period hormones and emotions SUCK
But pregnancy hormones are their own beast.
Seriously.
There are times I am having some sort of emotional kerfuffle.
And on the outside I am a mess.
On the inside I am standing back with my arms crossed annoyed at myself because I realize I am being COMPLETELY irrational.
Like.
Yes.
I know I am being SUPER irrational about the fact that FREAKING TACO BELL HAS GOTTEN RID OF EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN CRAVING LIKE RIGHT BEFORE WE GO TO GO GET! I KNOW THAT ME ALMOST CRYING OVER THE FACT THAT CERTAIN THINGS ARE NO MORE IS DUMB!
However.
I see your judgement and I can ASSURE you I am judging me harder than you are judging me.
But on the same hand.
FREAKING TACO BELL.
Also.
I am boycotting stupid things
Like a VERY SPECIFIC McDonalds.
Just because they no longer sell hashbrowns nor do they let me buy a cup of mac sauce.
This SEEMS ridiculous until you realize that you have a pregnancy craving of Mac Sauce.
With french fries.
Like I said.
Irrational.
I know.
Sometimes pregnancy is hard because I KNOW the calender says I have only been pregnant for 8 months.
But I swear, it's been like 7 years.
And there is this niggling that...
this is just how it is going to be.
That the weight I gained will never go away.
That I will forevermore be an irrational emotional mess.
That the ways things are NOW at this moment... aren't going to go back to "normal"
And yeah.
I know.
A baby changes things....
I get that.
I do.
It's just I am more insecure lately than I have been in a LONG time.
I have more mood swings and I hate them.
I am more snippy and short tempered.
I get annoyed with my hubs for silly things.
Things that normally don't bother me.
I get annoyed at myself more often.
I feel lazy because right now I just feel like a beached whale and moving is sometimes really hard and I am just always really tired.
I have been informed I will "definitely have a second child"
But honestly.
I don't want to be pregnant again.
It is really hard on the marriage.
Think about it.
My husband has to deal with all these new insecurities of mine
He has to deal with my mood swings
He has to pick up all the things I feel like I am dropping
And sometimes I know my insecurities cause him to have insecurities too.
It has really tested our relationship.
Which I guess is a good thing?
But it's still really hard.
And it's hard to share these thoughts with people because I just get the rebuttal of "Pregnancy is magical." and "It's so short just enjoy it while you can!"
And yeah.
This time period is amazing.
I love the personality my kid already shows.
It's fun to watch my belly move.
And it's really nice to get spoiled by people.
I know that won't last.
But at the same time.
I want my baby out. In my arms.
Cuddling with me.
I want to see her sweet little face.
I want to be able to just HOLD her.
I also want my boobs to shrink back down.
I want my muscles back
I want to work out and feel the deliciousness of sore muscles the next day.
I want to see the muscle tone and hard work
I want to climb and dance and do my abs.
I love doing those things.
I'd really love to be able to walk without getting short winded.
For being so athletic.
I certainly don't feel it right now!
I know I am oging to love my daughter so much more than I can imagine.
Because I already love her more than I ever thought possible
Pregnancy is hard.
It's so hard.
And I am terrified of labor.
But I cannot wait to hold my girl.
That is my silver lining right now.