That's right folks, I had to fill out paperwork for potential jury duty.
And I wasn't too thrilled about it.
And not only that! BUT I HAVE TO PAY FOR POSTAGE!!!! oi.
The things adults have to do. :-p
Another things adults have to do is make hard choices.
Like really hard choices.
And before you take any action or anything like that... you have to think about the consequences to yourself and to others. There is no easy way out.
People would like to think that there is... but there really isnt.
And sometimes. The best way out is the way that requires you to be the bravest and do something you would never consider doing.
And sometimes the best way is to remain quiet and not do anything. To pick your battles.
Do you see why choices are so hard?
There are good things and bad things about every choice you make.
And it sucks.
Because now I have to weigh the good with the bad.
"If I do this, maybe I will feel better, but this person won't and who is to say that I will not regret my decision a month or two down the road... and if I do, do this does this mean I am just giving up? And in giving up is that really a bad thing? Or in this case is it a good thing? Or should I just sit here quietly and wait another month or two. And if I wait another month or two how do I know anything will even change? How do I know my heart won't ache worse? How do I know things won't get better... or if they will? I can't know."
EVERYTHING IS A GAMBLE!!!!!
NOT THAT I KNOW WHAT GAMBLING IS!!!!!
Life is all about choices.
Choices creates paths.
Paths lead to different things.
With the big choices that we have to make... sometimes both paths that could happen are dark, ominous, and have those freaky branches intertwining. Both paths are going to be hard... both paths might even lead to the same end that will again split off into two directions.
One can never know and I hate the not knowing.
And I know that God knows. And that IS comforting. Seriously.
Because at least someone knows what is going to happen. He knows what is going to happen if I make the one choice, or if I make the other. And he will not abandon me if I make the wrong choice. In fact he will guide me and cut those ominous brambles out of the way, so that perhaps I will not get my hair caught, or poked in the eye. He has my back. And that is probably all I need to know.
And of course, both decisions have been prayed about.
But do you ever feel that even when you specifically ask God what to do.... that sometimes he is silent? That he is just waiting. Like... he is still there.... but he is giving us an opportunity to make the right choice... even if we are COMPLETELY unsure what the right choice is.
And the last time I did the right thing... I seemed to be the one suffering the bad consequences... or maybe the consequences would have been worse had I done the wrong thing... and every one says if you do the right thing, everything will work out nicely. But I am finding that that is very much not true.
And maybe it IS working out nicely in God's eyes, since he can see everything. But in my puny little human eyes... it isn't. And that is a childish thought.... but I don't like it.
The problem with us humans sometimes is that we just HAVE TO KNOW!!!!! And maybe we don't have to know.
Life would be A LOT easier without knowing some things. But life is life, and sometimes can be lifey. :)
But I have you all... and you all have me. And that sounds like the Barney song.... sorry.
I hope you guys are doing better with picking the right choice than I am.
Have a good week I will try to keep you up to date.