See a friend of mine, got really snippy with me this weekend.
Perhaps they were just having a really bad weekend.
The thing is.
Sometimes I feel like they are just dragging me along.
Like a friend they know will be there waiting.
Someone they can count on.
Someone who isn't leaving.
I am that kind of friend.
But I am kind of getting tired of this off and on.
I messaged an update that I had asked for prayer for.
But then I wasn't going to text except to wish a happy fourth.
In fact I was done.
I was even telling God.
I am done. It's not like they want to talk to me.
I was reading this devotional.
And I was talking to God all through it.
Out of the blue.
This friend calls.
Caught me completely off guard.
I asked what was up.
Was I suspicious? yes.
But they said they were just checking up on me.
So we chatted for a while.
That is until a family member came over then his voice went flat and said he had to go.
It's not the first time.
When their family is around, his voice goes completely flat.
I don't get it.
And it is REALLY stupid.
But it hurts when he does that.
I am so TIRED of being back up.
I am so TIRED of people hiding me.
I SHOULDN"T BE HID ALL THE TIME!
I want someone who is sweet and kind and loves God with all his heart, soul, and mind who will take care of me... and will be PROUD to have me around.
I want someone to chase me for once.
Not in a creepy way either.
I just want him to call.. and text.. and visit me.. and hang out... and just... be in love with me.
This friend I am talking about was speculating about me. Saying I am the sort that will chase the poor sucker and then when I run out of breath the chap will turn around and chase me. I am ready to be chased. Hopefully by this friend.
I can be SO done.
Then this person calls or shows up...
And my heart just leaps with excitement.
I love talking to them.
I love hearing his voice.
And at the most random points...
It's almost like a "Could be" thought flashes in my brain.
"If he were here.. we would be doing this.."
"If he were mine, we could be doing that"
"If we were together... we could go for a walk"
I start dreaming.
And they are stupid little musings.
Like, I was watching Castle and I was all, "He would really enjoy this episode.. We could be cuddling right now.. if he were mine" And they are just flashes.
And I don't know where they come from.
And I am told by him he doesn't want to lose me.
There are two choices.
Take a risk and date and we could end up together or apart.
Or just do nothing, and lose me to someone else.
I am patient.
I am just getting done.
And this line in one of my knew favorite movies is, "You would know if he were into you. He would make it clear."
So I just remember that.
Every time we are together...
There is this chemistry.
So it's not just me being wistful.
When two people almost kiss.
And hands end up holding the other's.. like magnets inside.
When hearts speed in this really specific wonderful way.
There is magic there.
Like I feel that magic when he hugs me.
Everything but him disappears...
Like. I don't know what to do.
I know what I want to do.
I also know what I would like to happen.
It's real life.
Not a movie.
And I am done chasing.