We've known each other since eighth grade.
And we have been friends since.
We haven't seen each other in three years.
A lot has happened in three years.
And I was thinking about when we were first friends.
A lot has changed.
We have changed.
I think if my 13 year old self met me, I'd be fairly shocked.
I wouldn't hate me.
I would just be... shocked.
Alex and I were talking.
We were just catching up and then we were just chatting.
And I said something along the lines of, "Yeah. I've changed a lot."
And his response was, "I like it."
And I guess that took me aback.
He goes, "You're more real now. You're still sweet you, but you are more real."
He's married now.
Kinda crazy to think about.
He found his perfect fit.
And hearing about her. She is absolutely perfect for him.
I really like what I hear.
He also made me realize I really am intimidating.
I don't mean to me.
I really don't.
But I guess there is just this... air about me.
Not snobby. But like...
He said he never thought he would be good enough.
And would we have made it as a couple?
So I am really glad we never made that awkward.
But it just gets me thinking about how much... we change.
How we change based on circumstance.
Or what we go through.
I am not as... conservative? sheltered?
That I was raised.
I occasionally swear. (really depends on who I am around)
I like a glass of wine with my food on occasion.
Part of me wishes I could be like the young adults on the West coast. When I visited I met so many people I clicked with. I fit out there. I don't here.
I want to fit in. But I want to be me.
I want someone to lean on.
But I am independent as heck.
I fell in love.
And I am mad at myself for it.
But extremely proud of being brave and taking chances.
I would never have done what I did even a year ago.
What did I do?
That is between God, me, the person, and the two people I confided in.
I just wonder about myself.
How will I keep changing?
Will it be for the better?
Also. Today was sad.
I went to school with a migraine.
Like I drove with NO MUSIC.
Which just doesn't happen.
I got to school and immediately went to the secretary to see if I could get a half day sub.
I went in and she was talking SO LOUD. (she wasn't but it felt that way)
And between the noise and the lights I started crying because my head hurt so bad.
(AGAIN WITH THE STUPID TEARS)
So she convinced me to get a full day sub.
Then the principal asked if I could make it like an hour or if I needed to leave ASAP. I said that I could stay.
So I went down and he covered the gym duty. And I made up lesson plans. (Not my best work)
And thank God. They sent the High school Science teacher to cover for me for the first hour.
I am glad he did too, because from the moment the students walked into the room, I was onslaughted. I mean I felt so bad that a kid asked me a question and I was like, "Ask Mr.[insert name here]. He is in charge."
I could have done it I think. The L.A. Teacher had come in and saw I was not okay and had offered to take the kids if I needed her to. I work with the best people. I really do.
So I went home. Got home (being the place I am crashing right now.) at 8:30 and slept until almost 6. I still have a small headache but I think I will be fine and dandy for tomorrow! YAY!!!
I hate missing school.
I hate having my kids being watched by someone else.
But man. Sleep was nice. Now to finish those tests.