So here I am.
Sitting listening to the rain patter its soft tune on the roof and the thunder throw in deep hearted melody.
I am snuggled in my favorite pair of baggy sweats, and cuddling with my snoopy build a bear that I got for my birthday.
Just sitting in the dark, listening to the music and thinking.
Thinking about life, love, and happenstance.
I mean... just even looking at the day... God is SO good.
I have this job.
This semi-real teaching job.
And I am in school.
It's not substituting cause I am in the same classroom.
And yes, I got frustrated today.
But I realize it was not even at her.
It's because I feel like even though I know Spanish, I am not good enough for this kid. I am not the best. And I just want the best for her.
I got so frustrated with myself because I had to translate an ENTIRE Language Arts test on the spot, and there were HARD words in ENGLISH that I had to translate. And you know what I did. I pulled out my phone and used my translation ap.
It is so hard guys.
And I keep making simple stupid grammatical mistakes.
And yet, I miss the fact I can speak and understand a language well enough that the school has temporarily HIRED ME to translate. Which is amazing!
And I realize. I am SO hard on myself. I don't know why. Life is too short for that.
I mean it guys.
Yes, it is good to challenge yourself to be all you can be.
BUT IT SHOULD NOT BE YOUR MAIN FOCUS!
WE ARE HUMAN!
WE WILL NEVER BE PERFECT!
Now. I am not saying slack off and fail on purpose. I am just saying....
You guys are more amazing than you will ever ever realize.
I mean it.
You are phenomenal.
You are a work of art.
You have skills I cannot even imagine having.
You are unique.
You are brilliant.
You have a smile that only YOU can have.
You have a laugh that brightens someones day.
You have a thought that is yours.
You have people who look at you and think "wow."
You have talents some could only dream of.
You have potential.
You have wonder.
You are amazing.
You astound me.
I look at people.
I watch people.
And daily I am amazed at how God creates us.
We have skills that don't make sense.
We have logic that God gave us that we take for granted.
We have thoughts, and choices, and likes, and dislikes.
Humans are amazing.
We have this AMAZING AND WONDERFUL capacity to care.
I mean look.
Look at facebook.
Look at the people supporting COMPLETE strangers.
Look at the world around you.
Everyone says it is going to hell in a hand basket.
But if you look past what everyone WANTS you to see.
You will see that random guy help that woman he doesn't know.
You will see that kid randomly hug a homeless lady just because the kid thought that the homeless lady needed a hug.
You will see the car stop traffic for a second to give the homeless man a package of cookies she has in her car.
You will see the cafe worker add extra cheese when she thinks a client is upset and needs the extra cheese.
You will see that woman chat with that old lady she doesnt know just because she wants to listen.
You will overhear one student giving another a pep talk even though he is just as stressed out as his friend. But he wants to uplift and encourage his friend. Because that is what friends do.
You will see SO much.
I can't even list out everything I have seen.
I have seen so much kindness it is overwhelming.
But do you know what he humans seem to focus on?
It's like we are addicted.
It's like we are okay with the bad.
We ignore and forget all the good.
We like to hate.
We like to argue.
It fits this need for darkness that we have.
And we get so wrapped in the inky velvety dark that we forget about the stars shining, and how bright they shine until we LOOK.
Then the light will come in.
Slowly at first.
Little glimmers here and there.
But if we catch that star dust, soon it will invade the darkness.
Soon people will see this magic that God placed in us. (I call it magic but it is so much more. I don't know how to describe it. It's like the very best traits that God gave us.) They will see it sparkling in our eyes, winking in our laugh, and glowing in our smile.
They will see kindness that only God can show.
God uses us humans to show his kindness.
We are made in his image.
We are kind because he is kind to us.
Even when things go wrong, and we hate the world (I have had those days).
There are things that stop me in my tracks and I cannot help but smile at the old couple, or help the crying kid. Because their need is greater than my anger or angst.
I am sure my philosophy is off... It IS late.
Humans are curious.
Humans are amazing.
Don't let anyone tell you that you're not.
I am serious.
People will try.
You know what you gotta do?
You gotta put on that brilliant and bright smile of yours and be kind. Even if they push and push and push.
Chances are... they need that kindness.
I don't know why I am writing all of this.
Perhaps I will need it down the road.
Perhaps you will need it at this very moment.
Some days. I just feel selfish.
Do you get that way?
Guys. I have been told I am cocky, over confident... very confident, too confident, and you know what's funny.
I don't feel confident about ALOT of things.
I try to act confident because the roles I am in right now... I have to be.
And it's hard.
Because I don't feel as confident as I let on...
And I know this is a jump.
But I feel like people have just been picking fights.
Even I have had the urge lately.
And it's driving me nuts.
There is no reason to be picking fights.
I know you have your beliefs.
I have mine.
I accept yours.
But I believe mine still..
Not a good reason to fight.
Not a good reason to hate.
Just because one person does not agree the same...
That is what makes everyone special.
We each have what we believe in.
It will always be slightly different.
Nothing wrong with that.
If you don't agree.
I am glad.
That means you have beliefs.
I am honored that you disagree.
I respect your opinion.
In fact I respect your opinion so much.
I am going to go to sleep.
This post is insanely long.
I do still have stuff on my mind.
But I will spare you!
Goodnight darling readers, goodnight, sleep well, God Bless.